A New World, A New Self
I still remember my first day on an American college campus—clutching my books like a lifeline, my heart pounding as I wondered if anyone would understand my accent or if I even belonged here. At 18, I had just arrived from Malaysia, stepping into a world where my accent felt like an obstacle, my cultural norms felt out of place, and my confidence was untested. I wasn’t just navigating a new country—I was discovering a new version of myself.
Over the next thirty-five years, I would continually upgrade to the next version of myself—sometimes with small bug fixes, other times with major improvements and feature updates. My learner’s mindset has carried me to places beyond my imagination, opening doors I never knew existed. I don’t have a bucket list, because life has consistently proven to be far more imaginative than anything I could plan.
I was born and raised on the beautiful island of Borneo in Malaysia. Growing up, I was always the kind of person who went with the flow—whatever life threw at me, I would give it my best shot. Books were my constant companions, my gateway to different worlds, cultures, and ways of thinking. I was a bookworm then, and I remain one now, reading at least three hours daily in two languages.
When the opportunity to study in the United States arose, I embraced it wholeheartedly. Fortunately, my years of devouring books set in America had given me some insight into the cultural transition, though nothing quite prepared me for the first time someone asked, “How’s it going?” and kept walking before I could answer. That moment was one of many cultural adjustments I had to make.
I attended a Chinese elementary school, followed by a Malay-medium high school. English was just another subject, not a language I lived in. So, upon arriving in the U.S., I had to learn quickly. While I had some confidence in public speaking—having once won a trilingual speech competition in Mandarin Chinese, English, and Malay in junior high, it still took years before I felt truly at home in English. My deep love for Chinese literature—the poetry, the subtleties, the way it had shaped my identity – made me hesitant to embrace another language fully.
At first, I felt like an outsider. I spoke English, but I worried about my accent, missing social cues, and not belonging. As I climbed the ranks in the workplace, gaining authority and responsibility, I often found myself as the “odd one out” in rooms where no one looked like me. Sometimes, conversations would pause when I entered.
It took time to build my self-worth and recognize the strength in my intersectionality—to understand that my voice mattered. I came to realize that as long as my message was clear, that was all that truly counted. That shift in mindset gave me the confidence to step up, speak out, and claim my space.
Maya Angelou once said, “You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all.” (Angelou, Letter to My Daughter, 2009) Her words resonated deeply. True freedom, I discovered, isn’t about fitting neatly into one identity—it’s about embracing the richness of our shared human experience.
What no one told me then—but what I’ve come to learn through decades of leading, learning, and listening—is this: leadership isn’t about having all the answers or fitting into someone else’s mold. It’s about showing up fully as yourself. The more I embraced who I truly am, the more powerful, connected, and effective I became—not despite my differences, but because of them.
THE JOURNEY
From Waitress to Restaurant Owner: A Leap of Faith
After graduating with an accounting degree, I married my husband, whom I met working at a Chinese restaurant. He was a Laotian Chinese refugee who had lost everything as a teenager during the Vietnam War, lived in a refugee camp, and eventually resettled in the United States. He was a great cook, and by then, I had gained considerable experience in front-of-house and restaurant management. So, we thought: Why not run our own restaurant?
I found a listing for a restaurant in Alabama in a Chinese newspaper. With $10K in savings and a credit card with a $10K limit, we drove to Alabama to check it out. The owner was asking $90K for the business but was more interested in stepping back and collecting rent than continuing to run the restaurant himself.
At 23, armed with nothing but naïve confidence and a knack for negotiation, I made my pitch: My husband and I would work for him for free for two weeks to prove our work ethic. If he was satisfied, we’d buy the restaurant business—with a $20K down payment and the rest in installments over two years. It worked. The owner agreed, and we spent the next five years running and growing the business before selling it so that I could return to school for my MBA.
Being a young, female, Asian immigrant business owner came with its challenges. Suppliers I worked with for the first time always assumed I was not in charge, and customers sometimes assumed I was just the hostess. But I knew respect as a leader wasn’t given; it was earned. I focused on mastering every aspect of the business, ensuring I was just as comfortable cooking in the kitchen as I was balancing the books.
Every afternoon from 2 to 4 p.m., the tangy heat of hot and sour soup warmed my throat, the grains of white rice sticking to my chopsticks as I flipped through business journals and leadership books, absorbing every word. Determined to become a great business leader, I turned this daily ritual into a cornerstone of my growth. That habit laid the foundation for my corporate career and leadership philosophy. Through reading, experimenting, reflecting and later observing many corporate senior leaders from front-row seats, I learned that leadership wasn’t about having all the answers—it was about fostering an environment where people felt valued, empowered, and motivated to do their best work.
From Entrepreneur to Corporate Leader
After earning my MBA from Purdue, my little family of three (yes, we found out I was pregnant my first month at Purdue—life has a way of keeping things interesting!) moved to Cincinnati. During my three years at Convergys, our family grew to four. I then joined Procter & Gamble, where I spent fifteen formative years leading finance teams, managing billion-dollar enterprise-wide projects, and mentoring younger employees. The joy of mentorship eventually led me to my true calling: coaching and leadership development.
Unlike most fresh-out-of-college hires, I joined P&G as an experienced new hire at 35, having spent years running a business and three years at another company, Convergys. Early in my career at P&G, I was introduced to Harvey Coleman’s PIE model[1], which presents the key contributing factors to one’s career success, consisting of Performance (10%?!), Image (30%), and Exposure (60%). The message was clear – Doing great work wasn’t enough—you had to be seen and heard.
| The message was clear – Doing great work wasn’t enough – you had to be seen and heard. |
Coming from the restaurant world, this was a shocking realization. In the restaurant business, performance is everything—lousy food or poor service means customers don’t return. In corporate life, I quickly learned that silently working hard wouldn’t get me ahead. I missed a promotion simply because a key decision-maker had never heard of me. That moment reshaped my perspective on career growth: success isn’t just about merit—it’s also about advocacy.
I struggled with the PIE model because the opportunities to get exposure are few and as a 5’ 3” Asian woman, I don’t quite fit the bill of “executive presence” on the surface. There was a sobering moment when I was told an executive could not “see me as a leader”. Later on, I realized that the IE in PIE could be reframed as Influence and Impact, the two factors I feel are more organic and authentic, over which I have more control.
One of the defining financial leadership roles I took was an enterprise-level transformational supply chain project—one that would reshape P&G’s distribution network in North America and significantly enhance our service to customers. I had always seen myself as a business leader with expertise in finance and accounting, so this project was a dream come true—an opportunity to showcase both my entrepreneurial spirit and leadership.
This project also became the ultimate testing ground for my ability to influence. I had to persuade top finance leaders across every P&G category that this was a worthy investment—one with a transformational impact that would transcend stakeholders and generations. The challenge was immense. Variations of this project had been attempted for 15 years, only to be halted twice. Determined not to let history repeat itself, I worked tirelessly, analyzing numbers, running sensitivity tests, and simulating scenarios—not just to identify what could go wrong, but also to uncover what could go right.
I vividly remember calling an expert in Monte Carlo simulations (a financial predictive modeling tool) who happened to travel in Singapore about my analysis, while sitting in a hospital room in Cincinnati where my husband was recovering from an illness. That was the kind of project this was—one that was all-consuming, could age a person quickly, yet ignite a fire inside them at the same time.
Through this experience, I gained a profound appreciation for teamwork and the sheer power of collective intelligence when a shared vision and passion align everyone. I had the privilege of working alongside some of the most experienced and passionate P&Gers, who transformed me from a skeptical finance professional into a deeply invested business partner. The spark in their eyes as they envisioned the future helped me grasp the true significance of this bold, high-impact initiative.
And all of this happened because a leader took a chance on me. Curious as to why I was selected to lead the project, I once asked him, “Why me?”
His response?”Because you don’t buckle under pressure. Plus, you owned a restaurant.”
P&G has a strong culture of people development and was voted multiple times as one of the top companies for leadership. When I first joined the company, I was paired with a woman leader as my mentor. I wasn’t the easiest mentee—I was constantly juggling my career ambitions with the evolving needs of my family, which meant I didn’t accept every opportunity that came my way. But her mentorship became a model for me, shaping how I would later guide others. She saw me as a whole person, understanding my desire to “have it all”. She often reminded me, “You have one life, Sophia.”
Throughout my career, I’ve had multiple mentors—both formal and informal—who served as my personal board of advisors. Over time, I became a “super-mentor” myself, coaching Asian finance employees through our Finance Asian Affinity Network and mentoring other new hires and younger colleagues across functions. Mentorship has always felt natural to me. As the eldest of six siblings and the oldest of my 52 cousins, guiding others is simply part of who I am.
Mark Twain famously said, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why.” The latter did not happen as a single A-ha moment but more as a gradual build-up. In time, I became aware of my abilities to connect with and energize others, with caring being my superpower. My mentoring relationships were win-wins, as I gained in my learning as much as I gave. I also identified the source of my joy and purpose in developing and helping others succeed (on their own terms).
This passion for mentorship eventually led me to pursue formal coaching training so I could better help others unlock their potential. I include “lifelong mentor” in my LinkedIn tagline to signal to my mentees that they can always reach out if they ever feel stuck in their careers or lives. Today, many of my former mentees, direct reports, and peers are top leaders across industries. Being part of their journeys from the start has been one of the greatest honors of my career. It feels fulfilling to plant trees under which I will not sit.
Toward the end of my career at P&G, while serving as CFO for one of its subsidiaries, Walker & Company Brands, I received an unexpected call from Kraft Heinz’s talent acquisition team. They invited me to interview for the CFO role of their $5 billion business unit. I took the leap and embraced the opportunity to lead a dynamic, young, and ambitious 45-member Finance team in a high-impact role.
Later, I stepped into a global position at Kraft Heinz focused on enterprise financial transformation through people. I was given a title that truly resonated with me: People with Purpose Leader. Leading over 100 Finance and HR professionals—none of whom reported directly to me—I discovered the profound power of collaboration and creativity when people unite around a shared vision. Together, we worked to revive and reenergize the 1,500-member Finance function, a challenge that reinforced my belief in the power of purpose-driven leadership.
As my project at Kraft Heinz wrapped up and the world emerged from the pandemic, I found myself fielding calls from recruiters. This wasn’t new—three years before I left P&G, I had already been approached for CFO roles at smaller enterprises. This time, I was in discussions with public companies about CFO and Senior VP roles—positions I had long considered the pinnacle of my career aspirations.
By all logical measures, I had arrived. I had built the skills, experience, and reputation to be a true contender for top Finance roles. And yet, as I advanced to the final rounds for three CFO positions simultaneously, I had a moment of profound realization: I no longer wanted this life.
That moment wasn’t about doubt or hesitation, it was clarity. I had spent years chasing the next milestone, climbing higher, proving my worth. But for the first time, I allowed myself to pause and ask, what do I truly want? And in that space of reflection, I found my answer.
From CFO to Executive Coach, aka Chief Fulfillment Officer
My answer both terrified and excited me. By then, I had already become a certified coach and graduated from the Coach Diversity Institute. I had initially taken the course with the intention of becoming a better mentor and leader through coaching, but it soon became apparent that coaching was more than just a leadership skill—it was a calling.
At fifty, I was stepping into the second half of my life. My son was in high school, my daughter was in college, and I was on the brink of becoming an empty nester. I had countless conversations with my family about this transition, and every time, I was met with unwavering support. The thought of giving up a steady paycheck felt insignificant compared to the excitement of serving, supporting, and uplifting others in meaningful ways. Little did I know how much I would also come to appreciate the flexibility of my time—just four months after leaving corporate, my mother-in-law, who was suffering from PTSD and late-stage dementia, came to live with us for the last 18 months of her life. Being present for her during that time was an unexpected gift.
Today, I coach executives and rising leaders. I also provide pro bono coaching for laid-off professionals, nonprofit employees, new graduates, and business students. In addition, I lead leadership training, workshops, and facilitation for organizations and frequently speak at conferences. While I’m no longer in the corporate world, I remain deeply engaged in helping others find fulfillment in their careers and leadership journeys.
Beyond coaching, I am actively involved in the nonprofit sector, championing causes that matter. As Board Chair for Mothers Against Drunk Driving, I support life-saving initiatives. I have also served as treasurer and board member for Immigrant Hope Atlanta. This local charity assists refugees and immigrants, and I served as interim Chief Financial Officer for the National Association of Asian American Professionals. Additionally, I contribute to the professional coaching community through my role on the Professional Coaches Board of the International Coaching Federation. I remain engaged with my alumni networks at P&G and Purdue University.
My love for learning continues—I read for three to four hours daily in both English and Chinese. I run two book clubs, cherishing the shared reading experience within a community. Each day, I take walks in the park with my husband. I am still busy, spending long hours at my laptop and traveling quite a bit, but now, I have control over my time, and I am contributing meaningfully to the people I love and the world. And that, to me, is true fulfillment.
THE LEARNINGS
Before I ever stepped into a corporate boardroom or stood in front of a room as a coach, I was 23 years old, running a small restaurant and learning what it meant to lead. Those early years were messy, humbling, and full of growth. I didn’t have an MBA or years of executive experience, but I had people depending on me, customers to serve, and a team to inspire. The lessons I learned in that little restaurant—often the hard way—continue to guide how I lead and serve today.
Three Lessons From My Restaurant Business That Still Guide Me Today
1. All businesses are people businesses.
Until AI or robots take over the world, all businesses are people businesses. This was true when I worked in the restaurant industry, in Consumer Product Goods & Food & Beverage industries, and now in coaching and training. Business ecosystems are made up of complex human beings, but customers always have a simple and powerful measure: How does your product or service help them? How does it make them feel? The same applies to business partners and employees.
2. With power comes responsibility.
My biggest fear as a first-time restaurant owner wasn’t failure—it was not being a good boss. Half my employees were family, but the other half were not. For almost all of them, it was their first time working for an immigrant, a woman, and a 23-year-old.
I realized the power of the boss when one of my employees was terrified she would be fired over an unintentional mistake, because losing her job meant putting her family’s livelihood at risk. I was surprised by the magnitude of her fear, but also learned an important lesson: Leaders must drive excellence, but never forget the inherent power gap. That experience shaped the foundation of my leadership principles.
3. Never underestimate our youth.
At 23, I was full of ideals but painfully aware of the experience I lacked. Those business books I read every afternoon planted the seed for me to go back to school and enter the corporate world. Leaving the restaurant and my customers after five and a half years was bittersweet, but I knew it was time to move on.
Our younger generation often gets a bad reputation for lacking work ethic or commitment. But instead of questioning their drive, we should ask ourselves: How can we, as leaders, ignite the will to learn and grow?
Looking back, those years taught me more than just how to run a business—they taught me how to care, lead, and trust myself even when I felt unprepared. The restaurant may be long gone, but the lessons remain etched into my leadership DNA. No matter where we start, every experience has the potential to shape us. We have to be willing to learn, to lead with heart, and to believe in the person we’re becoming—even when we’re still figuring it all out.
THE ADVICE
Over the course of my life and career, I’ve gathered lessons not from textbooks or titles, but from lived experience—the kind that humbles you, stretches you, and ultimately shapes you. These aren’t just leadership lessons; they’re life lessons—earned in boardrooms and quiet moments alike. Each one is designed to help you hone self-leadership, because how we lead ourselves sets the tone for how we lead others. I share them with you not as a blueprint, but as an invitation to reflect on your own path, to define success for yourself, and to lead with heart, clarity, and conviction.
- Define Success on Your Own Terms
Don’t let the world dictate what matters—decide for yourself. Success is deeply personal, and no one else gets to define it for you.
Right before I pivoted to coaching, I was on the verge of securing several CFO opportunities—positions that promised the biggest paychecks of my life. Yet, despite reaching this career milestone, I realized it brought me little joy. So, I listened to my heart and chose a different path—one that truly called to me. I walked away from corporate life to become a coach.
I’ve come to see money as a tool, not the destination. Today, I define success through my 3M framework, making:
- Moments – Cherishing the time I have with my loved ones.
- Meaning – Contributing to my community in a way that makes a genuine impact.
- Money – Earning a living by doing meaningful work.
For me, this is what it means to win at life—not chasing someone else’s version of success but crafting my own.
- Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Surround yourself with trusted critics—people who genuinely care enough to share honest feedback, even when it’s difficult to hear. I have friends who courageously tell me when I’m off track or inconsistent with my principles, and I treasure their candor.
My family has always been my safety net. When I left corporate, I braced for resistance, expecting concerns about stability and security. Instead, they saw the joy and purpose I had found and offered unwavering encouragement, taking pride in the impact I was making in the community. They love that I am now fully present, after years of struggling to balance long work hours with quality family time. The people who truly matter don’t measure your worth by your salary; they celebrate your growth.
- Resilience: Turning Setbacks into Stepping Stones
Resilience isn’t just about enduring hardships, it’s about adapting, evolving, and growing. Every obstacle has been a stepping stone, revealing deeper insights into what I truly want and where I can improve. To build resilience and grit, we must cultivate self-efficacy—the belief that even if we’re not perfect or don’t succeed 100% of the time, we will learn, improve, and gain a deeper understanding of ourselves. Self-efficacy refers to an individual’s belief in their ability to succeed in specific situations or accomplish tasks, shaping their motivation, behavior, and persistence in the face of challenges.
Embracing a growth mindset and seeing ourselves as constant work in progress allows us to continually evolve into better, more effective versions of ourselves.
- Empowerment Begins Within – Believe, Grow, Thrive
The most significant power move I ever made was realizing that I own my destiny. No one was going to hand me permission to succeed; I had to claim it for myself. True empowerment doesn’t come from external validation; it starts from within. It begins when you choose to believe in yourself, trust your instincts, and silence the noise that tells you otherwise.
Leadership starts with leading yourself first: listening to your heart, understanding who you are, and standing firm in your truth. As Chinese philosopher Lao Zi (also known as Lao Tzu) wisely said, “To know others is intelligence; to know yourself is true wisdom.” Yet, according to organizational psychologist Dr. Tasha Eurich, only 10 to 15 percent of people truly possess self-awareness[2]. Owning your power means becoming part of that rare percentage, tuning into yourself with clarity and conviction.
If my 18-year-old self could see me now, she’d smile and say, “Atta girl—you finally see what was in you all along.”
THE PATH FORWARD
“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” ―Mahatma Gandhi
I want you to embrace your self-efficacy—the belief that you hold immense power within yourself, just waiting to be unleashed. Throughout my life, I have defied the odds, and I now know that before we can truly love and empower others, we must first love and empower ourselves. Leadership, after all, begins with self-leadership.
Research suggests that only 20% of people reach their full potential, and a recent Gallup study found that only 31% of people are engaged at work, despite spending a significant portion of their lives working[3]. These statistics underscore a crucial truth: our joy and happiness are deeply intertwined with how we work and our feelings about work.
As leaders, we have the opportunity to create ripple effects—not just by building engaged, high-performing teams, but by leading fulfilled lives ourselves. Leadership starts with self-leadership. My belief in this was further validated after coaching and speaking with thousands of professionals about their careers and leadership journeys. The low engagement statistics present a challenge but also reveal an incredible opportunity—to align our work with our values, embrace our humanity, and create meaningful change.
I share my story in the hope that it inspires you to realize your own potential and find deep meaning and joy in your life. Because when leaders discover the joy in leading, they don’t just build high-performing teams—they create ripple effects that reach their employees, organizations, and communities. Fulfilled leaders ignite fulfillment in others. And that’s how we change the world. Now, go and experience your journey with every fiber of your being and have fun.
[1] Harvey J. Coleman, Empowering Yourself: The Organizational Game Revealed (AuthorHouse, 2010)
2 Tasha Eurich, Working with People Who Aren’t Self-Aware (Harvard Business Review, 2018) https://hbr.org/2018/10/working-with-people-who-arent-self-aware
3 Gallup, State of the Global Workplace: 2023 Report, https://www.gallup.com/workplace/349484/state-of-the-global-workplace.aspx
ABOUT SOPHIA
Sophia Toh is an executive coach and leadership trainer. Before her coaching career, Sophia was the Vice President of Finance Transformation and Chief Financial Officer for a multi-billion-dollar business unit at Kraft Heinz Company. She spent fifteen years at Procter & Gamble, holding various finance leadership positions, including Chief Financial Officer of Walker & Company Brands, a P&G subsidiary. Additionally, she led finance and accounting teams in brand commercial delivery for Braun & Crest, supply chain, cybersecurity, purchasing, information technology, retailer finance, global business services, and accounting policies.
Sophia currently serves as the board chair of the 45-year-old Mothers Against Drunk Driving organization. Sophia is an ICF-credentialed Professional Certified Coach (PCC) and currently serves on the International Coaching Federation’s Professional Coaches Board. She is also a Certified Management Accountant, Certified Finance Manager, and certified in Strategy and Competitive Analysis. Sophia earned her MBA from Purdue University and her Bachelor of Business Administration degree, majoring in Accounting from Clayton State University. She also holds a Nonprofit Leadership Executive Certificate from Harvard Kennedy School, an Executive Certificate in Diversity & Inclusion from Cornell University, and a Diversity Coaching Certificate from Howard University and Coach Diversity Institute.
Sophia’s current focus is threefold: her career as a coach, trainer, and speaker, her role as a volunteer and leader who gives back to global, national, and local communities, and cultivating quality time with family and friends.